"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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