He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
