hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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