That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
