He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
