Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize