woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
