you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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