Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
