You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Holy shit dude........stairs
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize