i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
