Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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