What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
