The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
