How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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