You really coming over, don't trick.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
