I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
