I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Randomize