I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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