We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
