dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
