Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
