please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I can't turn off my feet"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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