You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
