kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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