Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
