sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
