literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
