I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
