I puked a lego.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
