I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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