it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
