is your mom at the bar?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
