I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
