Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
