I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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