cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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