WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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