I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize