So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
