Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
