Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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