Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
