stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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