Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
