Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
