after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
