The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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