you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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