honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
