i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
