the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
