I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
