This is not my ceiling
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
