Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
