Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
