I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
