if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
