she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
