Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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