but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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