I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
