I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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