Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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