i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
