He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
