He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
