whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
