Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
