I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize