My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
