There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
