Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize