Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The power of my boobs compel you
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
