I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
