And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
