is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
