the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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