just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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