It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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