I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
