why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
