genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
